Another Stage of Life
Retirement. That single word conjures up a multitude of images for most of us. It may be golfing, gardening, traveling, or simply having more time to spend with family and friends, but whatever it is, we’ve convinced ourselves that once we are retired, we will be able to be more fully ourselves, more the person we were meant to be. Even if we love our careers and feel fulfilled and purposeful in them, we still look forward to the next stage.
So imagine my surprise when I retired nearly two months ago to find that many days I feel at loose ends. Me, who never had an issue staying busy and engaged, both at work and at home with my many different hobbies and interests. When I was trying to find time to fit in all I loved to do and all I was interested in learning to do, I was able to juggle multiple priorities and still manage to carve out enough “me time” to explore many different interests. But now, when it seems all I have is time, I am having a difficult go of it. Could it be simply that the excess of time I now have to fill is too overwhelming? Too much of a good thing that causes me to not be able to decide which avenue to head down first? Possibly, but I think it is more than that. I think it speaks to something a bit more insidious, something that has become ingrained in our culture, knitted into the fabric of our society. I believe that something is our need to be, always and forever, productive. At all costs, and above all else, we feel the need that every second of our time is spent doing something that will result in something else–something worthwhile, something productive. We cannot simply enjoy a beautiful sunset for the sheer enjoyment of appreciating it–I mean, sit down in lawn chair and take our time and watch the sun go down until dusk settles and the mosquitos appear to break our reverie. If we read something, then it must be for the purpose of learning something, not simply because we like a particular author and it’s a damn good story. Reading for pleasure makes us feel guilty, as if we have no right to waste our precious time doing nothing more than enjoying it. A million little “shoulds” interrupt our concentration, as we think of more worthwhile ways to spend our time.
I believe that I am touching the tip of an iceberg when I address our pathological need for productivity. What causes us, as a society and as a people, to not value something simply for the fact that it exists and we derive pleasure from it? Does everything we come in contact with have to result in our gaining something, and if so, why can’t that something be simple enjoyment? Or peace of mind? Or a lift to our spirit? Are we not valuable enough and worthy enough to be allowed time simply to be? Mary Oliver, in her oft quoted poem, “The Summer Day”, said “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Something tells me she wouldn’t want our answer to be that we want to be more productive. I don’t want that to be my answer either.
Am I the only person who feels this way? Feel free to leave a comment and let me know how you have navigated this latest stage in our lives, and what it means to you to be finally “retired”. Thanks for reading!
When was the last time you visited the library?
I actually returned 4 books on Monday and checked out three more. Thad and I also visited the Cocoa Library on Sunday, just to see what it was like. It’s a bit bigger than Merritt Island, but MI is a very good library. I’m really enjoying going there about once a week or so. I always find something new…
Oh my gosh. You have described ME. I want to retire but I can’t stop. Patty, please keep writing. Maybe we can all come up with a way to relax.
Gail, thank you so much for reading the blog and taking the time to comment. Maybe we can explore this new stage in life together–it sure isn’t quite as easy as I assumed it would be!! I think we have to give ourselves permission to slow down and take some time for ourselves–no one else is going to do it for us. I’ll give this some thought and do another post soon. Thank you again for reading it!!
I left you a reply here earlier today. But I’m not sure if you got it. I didn’t even know that you ever had a blog until today. LOL. You are a fabulous writer. I would say to write more but only if you really enjoy it. I imagine you do otherwise I don’t know how you could do it as well as you do. Does that make sense?
Belinda–I just figured out where I find the comments, lol! I’m still new at this and I’m sure I will learn something new every day. Thank you for the compliment. I do enjoy writing, but I struggle with feeling like I have something worth saying…I’m going to keep at it, though. Maybe I can channel Grandma when I sit down at the computer….Thanks again for reading it and commenting. If you also “follow” it, you will get notified when I post something new.
Great stuff Patty! I believe that most of us, if we’re honest, feel somewhat incomplete when we retire after the new wears off. But in all honesty, I have never regretted my retirement. I discovered a new phase of my life that I had always wanted but couldn’t have because of family commitment, first, and then work commitment. I finally settled down after baking a bazillion breads, sewing miles of thread, and painting everything I could get my hands on. I learned that the most rewarding thing for me, was time spent doing something that would give someone else pleasure, even if it was a simple compliment to another person who needed to feel better. I remembered how my Mom was so lonely when she became blind and it occurred to me that maybe there was somebody that needed a visitor. I visited a local nursing home and asked if there was anyone there who had no family or friends who visited them regularly. I adopted a 95 year old cranky old soul who sometimes wouldn’t even speak to me and turned to the wall when I came in and sat down. But she would occasionally turn over and look just to make sure I was still there. I cannot tell you how fulfilling it was for me to do that. I’m not suggesting that you do this, I’m just simply saying that retirement opened up a world for me that gave me an opportunity to not only enjoy being “free” but to enjoy making someone feel important. I’m sure you’ll find your niche. You have so much talent and you’re incredibly smart and beautiful so just keep on looking for opportunities to be you! Your blogging should become a top priority as you are definitely excellent at it! Good luck!
LaRose, thank you so much for taking the time to read the post and for your thoughtful comment. You understand exactly what I’m talking about. I love your idea of visiting a nursing home–and there is actually one very close by. I’ll let you know what I come up with–maybe in a new blog post. Thanks again–I always enjoyed reading your blog, so I appreciate the endorsement!
I think that we were brought up and taught that we must always use our time wisely and be productive. I raised 4 children and every minute of every day was scheduled to the second. Now that my children are grown and I am no longer working, I am at a loss. I did some volunteer work for a bit, do some traveling, but my favorite is spending time with my grandchildren. I have learned to sit and watch them play and I love to interact and learn how their brain works and what goes on in their minds. It’s fascinating.
Hi Pat! Your blog was spot on!! The phrase “pathological need for productivity” resonated with me, because I sometimes experience feelings of guilt if I am not accomplishing some tangible goal.
Do you think maybe it’s partly our culture, the “Puritan work ethic” with which many of us were raised? It seems that many peoples’ sense of identity is tied up with their job titles and their salaries, and maybe the materialistic society in which we live makes us feel driven to constantly be acquiring more money and accumulating more “stuff” to prove our worth as individuals? We don’t feel free to sometimes just “be”?
I am fortunate to be in a comfortable financial situation, and I don’t personally feel a desire to acquire many possessions beyond what I need (although I DO order an awful lot of things from Amazon that I probably could live without!). However, I do find myself mentally accusing myself of being “lazy” if my daily agenda is not sufficiently filled with chores, projects or volunteer work. I am not driven to achieve anything professionally at this point, but I feel a need to “make the world a better place” in some small way, and so I feel guilty if I’m not actively doing something toward that end.
I see in my own children (all of whom have successful careers) less of a tendency to treasure “things”, to place more value on experiences and relationships, which I think is wonderful! (Only problem is they don’t want my “stuff” when I pass on, so I need to figure out what to do with a lifetime of sentimental mementos and all the “stuff” I inherited from my own parents!)
Anyway. I want to thank you for your thought-provoking blogs, (I responded to your “I Can’t Breathe” blog last month, but somehow I think my comments got lost in cyberspace!) and I encourage you to please keep posting! You are a wonderful writer, Pat, and you offer much food for thought. Your writing reveals your intelligence, your compassion, your curiosity and your zest for life! Thank you for sharing that with us!
May God bless you in this new phase of your life.
Hi Jennifer–well, nearly a year later and here I am just now finding these comments…to say I have not quite mastered this whole blog thing would be an understatement. I am trying to get back to blogging, and my goal is to post once per week (we shall see) but thank you soooo much for your thoughtful, as well as thought provoking comments. It is very gratifying to me to know that some of what I am saying is resonating with someone I love and respect as much as I do you. I have seen from some of your FB posts that you live a full and inspired life (and the kids and grandbabies??? How beautiful!) Oh, and I especially like your dog, who doesn’t seem to miss any adventures. There is nothing quite like the love of an old dog….I hope this reaches you, and I again apologize for not responding sooner. I want to make this blog a functional tool to reach old friends and make some new ones, and I so appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. And if you ever get down to Florida again, you better not leave without contacting me and the other “girls” from the lab!! We did have some fun, didn’t we? Love you bunches, Pat